Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize