I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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