omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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