He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
there is glitter all over my balls
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
