One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize