He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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