Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
