You're my little dorito
I wish I could teleport
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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