just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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