I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
