can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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