You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize