I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize