she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
