apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This house was built for laser tag.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
