and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
