Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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