my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
