see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
