This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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