i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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