am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Randomize
