I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
