I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well you can't waste a boner
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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