The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
