I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize