Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
