I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
