I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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