i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
