Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
