I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sobbing to NWA
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
