I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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