Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
