i already hear my dad disowning me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
