Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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