Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
