My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
