I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
