the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
