Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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