so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
