I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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