last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
