The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
