I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
