I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
