Having a random hookup so left but love u
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My vagina just recognized that song.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
