My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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