The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
