I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
