my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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