Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
