I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
