I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
