im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize