matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
