You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
