I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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