I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
