break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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