Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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