I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
