Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
