I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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