using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish you could order shots online.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
