All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
third nipple confirmed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
