are you so shy because you have an std?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
