recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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